Lake Macquarie Field Archers Inc

The shooting line is a place for intense concentration. Propelling an arrow all that distance into such a small gold ring is not something that can be done if you're distracted. There can be no reason to chat on the shooting line. Heaven forbid that anyone should actually make someone else laugh while they're at full draw.

It could be, then, that our slightly disappointing performances can be explained by our willingness to tell each other crap jokes while we're shooting. For the benefit of the rest of the world, these jokes are now collected here.

To appear on this page, a joke must satisfy the following conditions: it must have been told by an OUCofA member, to an OUCofA member who hadn't heard it before, and who found it funny. You will notice that crapness isn't a requirement, but it seems to follow anyway.

What do archers say to guys with swords?

"You can run if you want but you'll only die tired."

Which is more dangerous...a great archer or a terrible one?

A terrible one, because a great one hits where they aim, but a poor one may hit anything.

What did the lustful maiden say to the handsome archer?

"You make me quiver."

What do real archers say to compound archers?

"I see you still have your training wheels on your bow."

What did the archer say to the postal clerk when asked if they were shipping anything hazardous?

"No sir, just a bunch of sticks and feathers."

Once upon a time there was an archery contest.

The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position...

He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow which finds the center of the target.

Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM...... ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!

The second archer with a cape lines up in position.

He fires his arrow which hits the center and cuts robin hood's arrow into two!!!

He takes off his cape and screams: I AM...... WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!

finally, a third man in cape lines up in position... He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!!!

It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams: I AM...... SORRY!!!

The Battle Of Hastings Joke

King Harold was inspecting his troops on the eve of the Battle of Hastings, chatting with them a bit, trying to raise their morale, that sort of thing.

He went to the swordsmen first, choosing a soldier at random from amongst the ranks. "Do you feel ready for the battle tomorrow?" he asked.

"Oh yes, sire," the swordsman responded eagerly.

"Handy with that thing are you?" Harold asked, indicating the man's sword.

"Reasonably so, sire," the man replied. "Watch." He bent down, picked up a handful of grass, flung it in the air, and waved his sword about. When the grass fell down again, it had been cut into a neat line of soldier figures.

"Good work, man," said Harold, impressed, "and good luck in the battle."

"Thank you, sire," said the soldier.

King Harold proceeded to inspect the pikemen. "Are you looking forward to the battle?" he asked one of their number.

"Yes, sire," the man replied.

"Good with your pike, are you?" the King asked.

"Not bad," the pikeman said. "See that flock of birds?" Harold nodded, and the pike flashed in the soldiers hand. It went sailing through the air, right through the centre of the flock, and when it came down five birds were skewered on it.

"Well done," said Harold, "and good luck in the battle tomorrow."

He then went to the archers, who stood proudly with their longbows, looking intimidating even to someone on their side. "Are you ready for tomorrow's battle?" King Harold asked one bowman.

The man squinted at him a bit, then said, "Good Lord, it's the King! Um, yes I'm ready."

"What can you do with that bow, then?" Harold asked him.

"What? Oh, this thing? I dunno. Someone gave me it yesterday and told me to stay with these people here."

"Well... do you see that barn over there, about twenty yards away?"

The archer peered in the direction of Harold's pointing finger. "Oh yes, I see it," he said at last.

"Do you think you could hit that?"

"I think so." He lined himself up with the barn, grunting with the effort of drawing the bow, and loosed the arrow. It sailed past the barn, five feet too high and ten feet to the left.

"Did I hit it?" he asked.

"Er, yes," said Harold, clapping him on the back. "Well done, and good luck."

Then the King turned to the captain of archery and said in an undertone, "Watch out for that man tomorrow, will you? He'll have somebody's eye out with that thing."

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